My Great Grandfather was Edwin Grozier

As Mentioned in this article in the Sunday edition of the Boston Globe

Le Sigh...

Things I know...

Goodmorning!

I love the cusp of seasons, that just spilling over the edge into a New Place in space and time. This morning's walk was cold enough to engage a fleece hat, and two fleece jackets, while at the same time the grass was wet and green and persisting little things are pushing through the soil. I could see Lux's breath when she turned to the side to lock and load onto a squirrel who was Fence Running in a taunting manner.

Already some blossoms have fallen to the ground, spent, littering the ground with the confetti from a very short but intense party of blooming.

I thought to myself "I refuse to deny myself the joy of living a Full and Juicy Life!".

Sometimes, when I am out and about, I find coins on the side of the road. I take this as a sign from the Universe, one that says "Hey, We are working on that back-order of abundance you placed a while ago. Here is a token of Our action on your account. Please be assured that your order is important to Us, and know that we are doing Our best to provide you with the highest standard of attention possible to Us at this time."

I always pick up the coin and say "Thank you for this token of abundance. I accept it with gratitude!"

Yesterday?

I found a not so crisp (as in soaked) 1 dollar bill on the side of the road.

Whoa, dude!

I expect the Universal Parcel Service to show up any minute with Major Goodness.

How about you?

Holy Crap

Clcik Here: Popping popcorn with cell phones

Have a Huff O Dis!

Huffington Post : Thoughts on Pot -vs- Alcohol by a Police Officer

"What I See" Wednesday

World Builder

World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.

Love After Love

Love After Love - Derek Walcott as heard on Speaking of Faith

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here.  Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine.  Give bread.  Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit.  Feast on your life.

Pictures from Japan

My friends get to go to cool places. Kevin just arrived home from his trip to Utah with his kids. Scott is mid-way through a three week business trip to Japan. I thought you would like to see these Keen Pictures. Another friend of mine is on her way to France! Ah! Springtime in Paris!!!

Getting some wanderlust over here...gonna rack up some points on my new business card so I can do some airtravel. Course, one of the first places to go would be Pittsburgh to see mom, then head to Chicago to see Kevin, then maybe to South Carolina to see Carla et. al. I wish I could go away for that long...maybe some day.

Right now, though, I am dealing with a new, and interesting crisis. Lux was diagnosed with Ehrlichiosis , a new and nasty tick borne disease: CLICK HERE!!!!.

Apparently, they picked up the diagnosis when I went in yesterday for her heart worm test, and since she was not in the least symptomatic, they are hopeful that she will be fully recovered after a course of antibiotics. We will get the results from her blood tests next week and have a better idea of how infiltrated her white blood cells are (or are not). I am , as always, keeping her on her raw diet, which she, ahem, thrives on. She thrived a bit too well over the winter, putting on almost 9 pounds! Too much!!! More walking.

But now I am terrified of the ticks. It is only April and they are out in droves already. Ick. Ick. Ick.

If anyone out there has any less toxic ideas for ticks, please respond here. I know that some use citronella oil, and someone mentioned Neem oil recently. I check her really vigilantly, and I am always touching her so I find them quickly, but, still, we already have a positive diagnosis for a disease she did not have in September, and at an antibody level which indicates recent exposure. Sigh.

Besides, this nasty thing can attack HUMANS, too! So check your nooks and crannies for ticks after walking in the woods, people.

Go ahead, look like a dork with your socks pulled up over your pants. Be a dweeb. Embrace your inner Nerd.

Keen Things: Get Ready for an Eyegasm

Click Here

Locked and Loaded

The last words I heard before sitting down to write this were:

"Goodbye. I don't like you!"

I thought to myself, from the kid-place inside me, just briefly, " What if I get hit by a Mack Truck today while she is at school? THEN she'll be sorry."

The Higher Self of me knows better, and even said so, while I was staying as newt-ral as possible. I said that I understood she was angry this morning, and that part of this angst is just a facet of the experience of being a teen. If she could have said "Fuck You", she would have. But, she was already on warning for dissing me moments before.

I found myself smiling, and even on the verge of an uncontrollable laugh, the sort that overtakes you at the funeral, a visceral laugh, from the Core.

I remember being an asshole as a teen.

I remember being selfish and mean sometimes - being snarky, rude, or sarcastic.

And I know, from this perspective more than 30 years later, that it came from a place of perceived scarcity of power mixed in a cocktail of stampeding hormones.

I asked her, at one point if, even though she was really angry, she could cease the aggressive and rude talk, and maybe behave from a place of kindness.

Again, I think I heard her brain scream "Fuck You!", though her pearly white and newly straightened mouth said "I would rather jump off a bridge."

I know later today she will come to me and apologize. She usually does after a rant.

Only time and experience with anger and frustration will help.

That, and maybe an elephant gun.

Heaven and Hell...

On the way to school this morning we had the following conversation:

Kid 1: Mom, does everyone get to go to Heaven?

Me: Dunno about that, kid. Not my particular religious myth.

Kid1: Yeah, but if we die isn't God supposed to forgive us our sins?

Me: Ostensibly, yes. You die, get to the gate and Peter looks at a big book of your mistakes and points a bony finger at you, whereupon you confess to stealing your sister's mascara, for which you are ever so sorry, and he lets you in. Cue angels and a Great Amount of Goodness.

Kid1: What happens if I do not confess or repent?

Me: According to that particular Religious Myth, you go to Hell.

Kid1: What is Hell like?

Me: Well, I hear there is lots of heat, fire, pain and suffering. For eternity. Like forever...

Kid1: Huh...

Me: Sorta like when Golem fell into the lava pit at the end of Lord of the Rings.

Kid 2: And you will not die. So it goes on forever and ever and ever.

Kid 1: That would SO suck.

Kis 2: So, you had better fess up about stealing my fucking mascara.

Thanks

For the good vibes, all of yuz. I am feeling a little better. I went to work out, and I have chosen to eat better food today, and drink more water.

A special "Hi" to Carla, Paul and E. I miss you very, very much! I miss having coffee on the front steps with Paul. I miss laughing with Carla. And I miss everything about E. Belle and Suki send Mews and kisses.

I wish Jaz and Lux could play together!!!

Many hugs from Me to you!

Feeling Not So Okay

There is no denying it now. And, though the winds were blowing yesterday with temperatures in the high 30's, the real chance of snow is over. Spring is here, and bursting in fits and starts. Oddly, the cold yesterday made me feel so chilled inside that the already present headache I had was incessantly begging for warmth. It made me want to crawl into my nest and avoid All of It.

I have been struggling for the past two days. It feels as if I am sinking under water, my energy level is almost nil, and yet the list of things to do is growing longer and longer. I have responsibilities that are screaming at me (some literally) and all I want to do is hide and not be present. In general, I am a happy person, one who faces life with aplomb and creativity. Currently, like so many other people, the tax deadline approaches and I am about to see all of my money go out of my accounts, and it is striking in me fears and feelings of scarcity. This year I was unable to make enough money to be comfortable about writing those checks to the government. For me, because of my screwy tax status, that means over 10K in tax bill, of which I currently have, oh, about 6. The gigs just were not there this year. People cut back on graphic design updates to their sites. Others chose not to have fancy parties and wedding receptions.

And, I feel stuck.

I feel stuck because I have to be here for my kids in the early afternoon. I live in a town where the good schools are out of my district. Also, I live too far away for them to walk (with the 70 pound backpacks, and yes, I weighed them...their schools have lockers which are approximately 5 inches wide, and they have to carry their books everywhere they go), AND too close to be eligible for the rather EXPENSIVE busing available in our town. At last I saw it was over $300.00/yr per child. The net-net of this is that I must be home by 1PM daily to take my senior kid to her community involvement program and/or to work in New Hampshire then go back an pick her up at 5 or 6 depending on her schedule. So, that effectively narrows my work time to between 8-12. Currently, my dog walking schedule is a mere dribble. All this adds to the already presens sense that no matter what I do, it is never enough.

Add on prom time, upcoming graduation gifts, and recurring medical bills from Emily's kidney infection.

Add on the bigger issue of COLLEGE tuition.

Add on the fact that I have several Very Important Things which need attention...like needing regular road tires, and fixing whatever that Noise is emanating from my car. Like my hearing loss. Like the fact that my computer now makes a horrific noise when or IF the fan engages intermittently...

If I take away the relationship with Money issue, things loosen significantly enough for me to enjoy what is going on around me. But, lately, all I want to do is drink wine, sleep, medicate myself with entertainment and avoid the screaming need for my attention to these matters.

So today I am making a list. I will deal with several things a day and reward myself for doing so. I will get it done, and I will meditate and find some inner peace by following only my breath.

Send me some loving vibes today. I feel really vulnerable, and I could use the good stuff you send my way.

Sit down with your coffee, and watch this. No. Really. Do it.

Clcik Here for Emily Levine's website!

WHoo-HOO!!!!

YAY!!!!! He said "Yes!!!"

And So it Begins

I went for a hike with Lux this morning, to our favorite woods, which opens up to a huge field. I sat while she ran and ran and ran, circling, eating grass. The sun was licking the water on the lake, platinum sheen to an almost motionless surface. The birds were singing loudly, and the wind was calm, gentle and lovely.

On my way out I grabbed a handfull of these wild chives, so fragrant and delightfully full of onion flavor. I will be making herb bread with these today!

Let the foraging begin!! Fiddleheads are not far behind...

Keen Things Thursday:Old School

http://www.drawbuck.com/

So here's the thang. I have sent a request to this nifty fellow asking if he would like to illustrate my May masthead. I think it is a truly Keen Thing that he is offering Free Illustration to the world, as art, in my opinion is about spreading the Joy. And as far as I am concerned Joy should have no price tag. Still, the dude needs some beer, so all of you Keen readers out there, head on over to his site and toss him some coin so he can imbibe some decent brew. We know how much artists need their absinthe. And, cross your fingers in hopes that he says "Sure! I would LOVE to do a masthead for your blog!" Collaboration is such a wonderful thing.



Minimum Daily Requirement of Cool Things:

Bright Bike from Michael Mandiberg on Vimeo.

I think it would be much fun to wrap oneself in this stuff and walk around the city at night.

Minimum Daily Requirement of Wonderful Design:

Check out these Keen accessories over at Up To You (found via Design Boner)

Minimum Daily Requirement of Inspiring Words:



"Since the essence of relationship is to bring opposites together, it continually provides opportunities to move between different parts of ourselves - male and female, known and unknown, love and fear, conditioned and unconditioned, heaven and earth. Love's alchemy thrives on this play, for it is the heat and friction of two people's differences that propel them to explore new ways of being. However, our fear of the unknown often tempts us to shut down and back away from the vibrant edge where opposites meet and sometimes clash. So, if we make use of the great opportunities that relationships present, we need to learn how to remain alert and open in the face of fear, tension, and the ambiguity they arouse." John Welwood from his book Journey of the Heart: The Path of Conscious Love



Minimum Daily Requirement of Wicked-Good Food:

1/2 cup cooked whole grain (I used bulgar wheat)
2/3 cup fat free organic yogurt
1 teaspoon sweet (options: honey, maple syrup, agave nectar, jam?)
1/3 cup applesauce
1 Tablespoon ground flax seeds

Sliced fresh fruit (pictured: papaya and pineapple)

Mix yogurt and sweet, reserve 1 teaspoon for topping. Combine the grain and the yogurt mixture add the applesauce and plate with dried fruits surrounding (here I used cranberries). Slice brightly colored fruit and plate alternately. Drizzle with the reserved yogurt sauce and sprinkle with ground flax seeds.

Oh Tom, you have such an attitude, but still...if I had $500.00

Dinner prepared for you by chef Tom Colicchio: CLICKETH HERE

Okay, so here's the thing...If I had to spend an afternoon kicking around with a chef, it would likely be Tony Bourdain (and a bottle of Patron), or Lidia Bastianich (and a bottle of Amarone), or hell, even Eric but not, NOT Tom. He has the manner of a Very Important Person With Little Sense of Humor... But, still, if someone threw me 500 Washingtons and said go to New York to Craft (his snazzy place) and sit thyself down and enjoy, I likely would do so.

You know, under duress and all...

LIke I said...I have such cool friends...

Tantric Touch Massage

Click Here: Another Keen Friend, who does Very Keen and Wonderful Things

Hey Sherwin! Tell Williams it is time for a logo re-design!

I passed a Sherwin Williams truck this morning with this logo on it and I thought to myself..."Ew", as in what sort of Eco-Friendly message is THAT?????? 'Cause I so *totally* ain't getting the "Let's cover the walls in fresh paint" idea they were lookin' for.

Frankly, the guy who designed this has probably been dead for at least 20 years, next to Darren from Bewitched.

Time for an upgrade, I say.

Still "Retro" but, way, way more Keen!

I have the coolest friends!!

Click Here for Lisa Davis' It's Your Health Radio Link!

Image du Jour

Moonrise Over Zion National Park, Utah- image from K. Field

Well, if that is not inspiring, I do not know what would be. I think if I was in Utah with my camera it is likely that they would have to send out some National Guard-folk with ropes and chains to drag me back. Plus, well, Heather Armstrong (Dooce) and her family are in Utah, and that makes it the most Keen Place on Earth, probably.

Then again, my friend, Scott, is in Southeast Asia right now, and I am willing to bet that when he ends up in Japan in the middle of the month, the cherry blossoms will be positively orgasmic. I remember living in DC during cherry blossom time. Never have I seen so many Asian people with cameras, grinning on steps, cricky-cricky with their cameras. Infestation of tourists during that time made the already difficult traffic impossible to navigate without fear of crushing a small person in a black raincoat covering a plaid shirt and a flowered skirt, carrying seventeen bags and lugging a camera around the neck. I personally thought they should close down the basin area for the duration. Still, if one could get a moment without all the buzzing of people around, the path strewn with pink and white blossoms was breathtaking.

I like breathtaking.

Gasp.

Annie Lynch and the Beekeepers

CLICK HERE~

I stumbled on this band while driving to work this week. WERS, a local Emerson College station, had local band week, playing lots of local band music and having a ton of in-studio performances. I was thrilled to discover this group of talented folk. Really nice rainy day, sipping coffee in your slippers music. Mondo-Keen!

John Belushi Doing Joe Cocker

SNL - John Belushi Doing Joe Cocker

I have been smiling since I saw this again on Thursday night. And, well, singing it, a lot. Lux is growing tired of this song and requests some Rolling Stones.

I. Don't. Think. So.