Thursday, November 20, 2008

24 degrees and falling...

This morning Lux and I hiked our new favorite field. A huge deer was in the clearing and Lux took off after her, and came back after quite a long while, panting and smiling. As I called for her I clicked away with my camera. 24 degrees this morning, the tall grasses bent and crisp above the hardening soil, a woodpecker tapped a tree near me, a song of persistence and Faith.

My daughter's kidney pain was worse last night for a while, testing my Faith in medicine, in antibiotics, in healing...I cannot sit on her and force the cranberry juice down her craw. I cannot push her any harder than life is pushing her right now, with school, college applications, healing, and all the attending Teen Crap that fills her world.

My world is less topsy-turvy this morning. Things are clearer for me.

I have been residing in a place of Letting Go of outcomes the past few days. I am familiar with this path. The well worn traces of my footsteps are still visible from the past few years of stomping up and down the field of Disappointment, Hope and Waiting. Finally having arrived at the Clearing of Solitude, I turned, just once, to look back to see that the field was not empty afterall. I am glad that I did.

The deer fleeing into the thicket, only a blaze of brown and white, reminds me of the impermanence of everything. I take deeper breaths and follow my course alone again, dog by my side, happy for the sighting.