Monday, July 13, 2009

When size matters...


am always one to snarf up something good and useful from the side of the road. Just who I am. This is the story of two such things.

2 years ago, while walking in the woods with some dogs, I happened upon a 30 gigabyte iPod, sitting woefully under some ferns. It was horrifically scratched on the surfaces, but I took it home, hope in my heart that it would, in fact, work. After plugging it in and charging it up I was pleasantly surprised to see that it DID!!! It DID work!! Wow!! An iPod like that costs over 300 dollars!! Score!!!!

That iPod and I have been best friends ever since the day I rescued it from doom in the woods. Even with all of my music library on it, I still had, like 80 percent of space left, something which filled me with the hope of renewal by music. One of the ways I treat myself is to cruise iTunes store and purchase songs once a month. My library is diverse, and filled with all sorts of things, including meditations I use frequently with tweeting birds. (I do not use the thunderstorm ones, because, let's face it folks, my WHOLE SUMMER has been thunderstorms...27 days out of 35 in fact).

I also scored a little blue wading pool from down the street on trash day. It has a hole on one side, but no matter, it would work perfectly as a dog dunker, to cool of my oh-so-black doggie after a hot hike. Or, to slip my toes into while sitting in the back yard sipping chardonnay. Or, if it got REALLY HOT, I could curl up in a fetal position and baste myself with a cup. You get the idea, yes?

So, back to the size thing.

One of the things I love to do most is hike in the woods. I do it a lot. I have also been working out more, and the result is that my body is shifting around, becoming a different shape than it used to be. So, one of the net effects of this is that my, um, foundation wear became too large. I went for a fitting and got new bras, but I still use the old ones from time to time. ("time to time" being when the laundry gets piled up and I have no clean new one to wear...).

After a long hike this weekend I came home and made some iced coffee...I brewed the coffee over cocoa nibs and added agave, and LOTS OF ICE. Lux was panting, so I decided to fill up our little wading pool and cool her down. I was listening to my iPod.

This iPod once had earphones. Once. But my cat ate the cord. The earphones I was using were for another device, and were considerably shorter than traditional earbuds, necessitating my placing the iPod not in my pocket, where it usually would rest, no, not there...mind you, I had to place it, IN MY BRA. Nice. (Nicer if it had been ice cold, perhaps!)

So, let's see. Too big a bra. Too short a cord. Hmmm...

When leaning over the pool to get out a bug...


Yes, folks, my breasts refused to reach out a grab that device, so it slipped to it's death in the pool.



Not that!!! I reached in, shook it off and immediately texted Kevin in Chicago. "iPod fell into wading pool Fuck!", which prompted an immediate phone call from him begging me to not turn it on or it would die for sure. But, it WAS on already.

So, people, I am unable to secure The Staples Center for a full memorial service, and MSNBC states that they are in no way interested in covering the death and memorial service for my iPod, but I am in mourning.

So, let this be a lesson to you.

Wear the right size bra at all times. And, for god's sake go to Target and spend 20 bux on a good set of headphones when your cat chews your earbuds to death.

*cue 21 gun salute*