Monday, May 4, 2009

Lying Sux

I have people who tell me things. And it never ceases to amaze me when I hear stories of little white lies that should really not be necessary. Like the friend who felt she had to lie to her husband and tell him she got that futon from me, rather than from the side of the road, because he would be pissed, so if he asks please tell him you gave it to me. Or the friend who is afraid to show her spouse the bill from the health food store, because he will freak that she has spent so much on nutrition, when she has a debilitating disease. Or the friend who chooses to pretend he is going out with This Person when he is actually going out with That Person, because it is more convenient. I am forever questioning the fears behind the motive to lie. And, it all boils down to acceptance, and getting loved anyway despite the fact that whatever it is you are doing or being just does not fit well with someone you care about.

So, really, how much better is living a compartmentalized lie than taking the hit, being vulnerable, being honest, being authentic? People will cheat, lie, steal, commit heinous sins of omission, in some vain attempt to continue to facilitate someone else's misunderstanding of who they really are. How nutritious is THAT?

At what point does it become so cumbersome to stand erect for what you believe in, to voice the truth about who you are, that you have to succumb to white lies about what you bought, who you were with, who you love, what you do for a living, what food you like or do not...

Where is that line?

We put our truths in little tupperware boxes and shelf them. We package ourselves to promote something we are not. We smile, and tell someone we would LOVE to help with this or that, that we simply ADORE something we do not, or that we are really comfortable with things that rake our souls and make us bleed inside.

It boils down to acceptance. And it starts with YOU. If you cannot accept who you are, or the path you are on, wholeheartedly, if there are tiny "well maybes" or "what will he/she thinks" those things germinate into lie sprouts, and we accept the little tiny shoots as an easy way out. Those sprouts grow into huge trees as time goes by.

But, what of the people who you unknowingly involve in your deceptions? You speak or behave one truth long enough, well enough, anyone will believe you. They trust your self reports about what is true for you, or they blindly assume that your behavior signifies a certain way of being with which they are comfortable. Hey, you are one of "them", you do what they do, you go to the "right" church, job, golf club, whatever. You are dating the "right" person.

The truth is that your song is sterling and it requires polishing. You must stroke it lovingly with your intent, your actions, your love and yes, even your fears, and tell it that it is true.

Don't put yourself in boxes. Allow yourself mobility, and elasticity. You do not have to have all the answers.

Be more YOU. If you present anything else to the world you are playing God.

That is one Big Messy Job.

Don't decide for others which YOU you want to present. They are not marionettes. They may want your script, but in reality, the real connection comes from being who you really are.

Anything else is an ill-fitting suit.

Just sayin'