Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Snow Day Moments:


I have known B. for a few years now. He is part of the "family" of the property in which I live. B. is a friend of my landlord. My landlord is a gracious, kind and humble man with a huge heart. He has an awesome family, and friends who are close to him. Often, when there is work to be done at our abode, his talented friends, be they plumbers, painters, carpenters, whatever, come to fix things (except one time when he sent a goon squad to replace the roof, which they did, taking 2 weeks, not putting tarp under, hammering holes in the roof and leaving it in the rain for days upon days until the Lord Sayeth: Receede thine floodmark, ye rains of my desire!!...lonnnng story involving a metric butt-load of nails and little kids running barefoot...But, I *so* digress).

So this last whopper of a snowfall brought B. and his shovel. First, coffee was had. Then we went out and kicked that snow's ass. Together, telling wonderful stories. I learned things about him and his wife I never knew before. B. has a storyteller in him rarely seen. The things that come out of his mouth frequently astound me.

I used to sit around the fire with him and his wife and my neighbors (Hi Carla!) and laugh until tears were rolling down our faces.

The best story of yesterday was this one, and, to be perfectly honest, I cannot do this justice without the voices that go with it, and the funny sounds he makes when he tells these stories. So I shall give you the Cliff Note Version.

We were talking about Halloween costumes and he began a tale about how in high school he once came to school as Nipple Man. He wore a leotard, and a cape, had attached baby bottle nipples to the front as well as a huge "N" and walked right into school. Needless to say his English teacher did not like this so very much and he was berated.

Undeterred, the next year, he donned a Batman outfit. And he and his friends went to a large local restaurant where the party was being held, and they let off stink bombs, and rolled under tables, Bond-style. Unfortunately, a fire ensued, and the room was burned.

That must have been an awful thing to go through, I said. Did you learn anything from that?

Yeah. But more so the next morning when the papers read "Batman Burns Down Kowloon!"

Oh. The sides. They hurt from shoveling, but also from laughing so very, very hard.